you NEED jesus

How many of us hide behind scriptures, behind what preacher said, behind religious based truths, behind authenticity that begs to reveal itself? How many us judge those that don't choose to believe as you? It's because we can't come to an agreement on this religion thing. All faiths believe theirs to be the only true, right one. Right? I was taught that 'God's plan' was for all of us to reach our highest good. According to the 'word', we are given breath and death, everything we chosoe in between is up to us. Its called free will. We are supported in this universe with everything we need but a look around tells me we've screwed up miserably. Religion isn't the solution. It's the problem- especially when everyone is so diametrically opposed, steeped in a religious moral right that make everyone else's wrong. I was raised christian; the bible-toting disciple, pentecostal, sunday through saturday worship, no-pants, make-up, earring wearing, no-swearing, shouting-speaking-in-tongue-tithing, god-fearing-fire-brimstone-wrath-burn-in-hell, scripture-quotin devout type. Lived, breathed, ate it, even wore it like a turtleneck sweater. In effect, pulled the synthetic wool over my eyes. Which meant everything I did, was to be according to his will. What about my own? As I saw it, I didn't own any power. He did. I submitted my power, all of it, over to Him (or her). Call it faith, which Mirriam-Webster defines as: 1) allegiance to duty or a person; 2) a. belief and trust in and loyalty to God; a firm belief in something in which there is no proof b. belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion 3) something that is believed, especially with strong conviction and I maintained this so-called faith. Waited on it, prayed on it, hoped and wished on it. I believed it would come and magically restore life back to order. Yes, religion was the ticket, the answer, the way. I fooled myself into thinking that if I turned my problem over to something outside of me, I didn't have to take responsibility. And if, by some stroke of faith, or if the stars lined up just so, life would be just fine. If not, I could blame something else (outside of me) or rationalize that "it wasn't in God's plans". Breaking the rules meant I would suffer some great wrath. Fear, rather than love, kept me in check. And hoping and wishing became the same as not doing, a passive cop-out. In the meantime, my life crumbled around me and I wondered why. Did I not have enough faith? Didn't I believe? Looking back, I see how religion became a hindrance, a rigid trap door, an unhealthy outlet for spiritual expression. Religion was like driving with my foot pressed on the brake. Too many 'shoulds'...it felt more like REpression. Also, in the church, I began to witness contradictions...too many to overlook. I began to challenge my belief system and it raised questions, that raised more questions, which, in turn, raised even more questions. ..and still more answers I sought. Started checking history. The more I discovered, the less I was inclined to accept half-baked theories, mythologies, loose translations, glaring biblical discrepancies, distorted facts. Then I chose to 'get real' with myself, face myself dead square in the mirror and admit and accept how my narrow views shaped how I saw the world...my position in it. From my mountain of judgements, I could see as far as the end of a long dark tunnel. I moved out of the way, saw beyond my self-righteousness. I began a new journey. Yet bigger questions still remain: Why do we need to fear god if he is an all-loving God? Whose word is really right? Why don't people realize that going to church doesn't make you a christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic? Why is it that those who share their religious views, don't want to hear yours? On this journey, I seek answers on a higher plane. I have chosen to 'just be', love and live spiritually with philosophies that align with reaching my highest good. So please...don't tell me I need Jesus.