The Poetry of Roger Clemens

The Rocket's collected works. By Hart Seely Posted Friday, Feb. 15, 2008, at 3:37 PM ET Roger Clemens On Wednesday, baseball great Roger Clemens stood before the U.S. Congress, seeking to defend his honor and his soul. History will decide whether Clemens told the truth in denying a former trainer's claim that he had used performance-enhancing drugs. But one point is clear: In his testimony and depositions, the Rocket has hurled a poetic masterpiece, with a repertoire that ranges from free-form verse to haiku. The poems that follow are the pitcher's exact words, excerpted from transcripts of Wednesday's testimony and the deposition the pitcher gave to the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform earlier this month. "Saving the House" It was a sports court. I enclosed that into a gym. Best investment ever, by the way. It's saved the house from the kids. — Feb. 5, 2008, deposition "Offensive Haiku" I am offended. I will be honest with you. I am offended. — Feb. 5, 2008, deposition "Ghost Andy" He looked at me, Wringing his hands, White as a ghost And asked me What are you going To tell them? And I told him I'm going out there To tell the truth. — Feb. 13, 2008, hearing "Stop Sign" In Boston, I know I was on prednisone. I remember that because actually I came here to visit the White House When the president was in, And my head looked like a stop sign. — Feb. 5, 2008, deposition "Somebody's Tried To Break My Spirit in This Room" Somebody's tried to break my spirit in this room. They're not going to break my spirit. I'm going to continue to go out And do the things that I love to do, And try and be honest and genuine To every person I can be. It's the way I was brought up. It's what I know. — Feb. 5, 2008, deposition "Glute" I have strained my glute On a couple occasions. I wish I could tell you How many occasions. — Feb. 5, 2008, deposition "Me" I have never smoked a cigarette. I have never smoked dope. I have never done cocaine. I would not put anything— Allow anybody to put anything— In my body That's going to be harmful to me. That's who I am. — Feb. 5, 2008, deposition "Headaches" Kids come to my house and work out. I invite them to come work out. The littler kids, I try to get them to sign a waiver In case a bat comes out of my hand, or a ball. We've experienced that. That's headaches. — Feb. 5, 2008, deposition