Crazy late excuses 1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them. (this actually happened to me.  A guy tailed me home. More irritated than scared, I stopped short of my place, he then pulls up behind me, gets out his car lookin' like Paul Bunyan and approaches my window.  I was too mad to be flattered. Even in the south-never mind LA, there are some things you just don't do. I had an aunt who drove with her 'piece' in the passenger seat and wuz just itchin' ta' uze it).  2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what "really" happened. (maybe) 3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments. (or the flip side: "my boyfriend got freaky and hid all my panties"--naw, that won't work.  Some women come to work pantyless anyway).  And the boss just hardens his soft position, but doesn't stay firm. 4. I just wasn't "feelin' it" this morning. (I've actually used this one) 5. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch. (too many shoes for this one) 6. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution. (Ouch!!! this could happen. glued lips are a bytch to pull apart too) 7. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed. (hate when that happens) 8. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around... so I got out of the car. (uh-huh, right) 9. I was up all night arguing with God. (Hmmmm.  I think a day off should be granted for this one)