Characteristics of Narcissistic Parents
Turns every conversation to him or herself.
Expects you to meet his or her emotional needs
Ignores the impact of his negative comments on you
Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you
Focus on blaming rather than taking responsibility for her own behavior
Expect you to jump at her every need
Is overly involved with her own hobbies, interests or addictions ignoring your needs
Has HIGH need for attention:
Brags, sulks, complains, inappropriately teases, is flamboyant, loud and boisterous
Is closed minded about own mistakes. Can’t handle criticism and gets angry to shut it off
Becomes angry when his needs are not met and tantrums or intimidates
Has an attitude of “Anything you can do, I can do better”
Engages in one-upmanship to seem important
Acts in a seductive manner or is overly charming
Is (extremely) vain and fishes for compliments. Expects you to admire her
Isn’t satisfied unless she has the “biggest” or “best”
Seeks status. Spends money to impress others
Forgets what you have done for them yet keeps reminding you that you owe them today
Neglects the family to impress others. Does it all: Is a super person to gain admiration
Threatens to abandon you if you don’t go along with what she wants
Does not obey the law—sees herself above the law
Does not expect to be penalized for failure to follow directions or conform to guidelines
Ignores your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express feelings
Tells you how you should feel or not feel
Cannot listen to you and cannot allow your opinions
Is more interested in her own concerns and interests than yours
Is unable to see things from any point of view other than her own
Wants to control what you do and say—tries to micromanage you
Attempts to make you feel stupid, helpless and inept when you do things on your own
Has poor insight and can not see the impact her selfish behavior has on you
Has shallow emotions and interests
Exploits others with lies and manipulations.
Uses emotional blackmail to get what she wants (modus operandi)
May engage in physical, verbal or sexual abuse of children
Secure Parents
Meet the emotional and physical needs of the children
Have healthy boundaries and can be assertive in stating them
Respect children’s boundaries and rights to be safe
Resist intrusion and mind games by others
Have strong, positive values and priorities for family
Allow children to express their feelings
Use appropriate self disclosure
Have the ability to develop intimacy and happy relationships
Saw this link and couldn't help but post this. In a nutshell, my upbringing had all of these elements of behavior and its no wonder I had so many inadequacies and anxieties. Being ultra-shy and fearful of the predictable contempt that emanated from the pores of NM, I walled off. Became numb. An emotional recluse. I absented myself from reality. I dwelled inside my head, inside my thoughts, inside books-anywhere just to escape the madness and misery.
Emerging from the shadows, the destruction left in the wake of distancing myself from the craziness has been amazingly calm. It's been a year and a half and I wouldn't trade this freedom for anything in the world. If those people showed up at my doorstep today, they would see me as a complete stranger to them. I'm not even a shell of my old self. Progress.
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