-Frederick E. Perl
I was gonna add to my short list of friends...but I quickly recovered from that lapse in thinking. It's a given, I function on lower levels of energy than most. I know my 'people' limit. I understand wanting that human connection, needing that human element just to function, to feel ok about one's self but some people attach themselves like a magnet and suck the lifeblood, drain what little energy my body contains right out of me. A soul begs to be left alone.
Around people I feel I have to be 'on'.
Too much togetherness, I get antsy, irritation creeps in. That's just me.
We all wear masks in public. I do it for protection, not to push others away.
Once in awhile someone comes along and we find a mutual balance.
However, most care only to the extent of the feeling they get being with someone. The person becomes their drug, a fix, needing it constantly. Without it, they become down, depressed. They crave constant togetherness. I'm the complete opposite. I'm repulsed by neediness.
I walk alone, prefer solo flight. I'm opinionated. Stubborn, yet willing to share a smile, my mind, even...but I find comfort and pleasure in the most unlikely places within my own company and mental sojourns. I'm a free radical. Been this way ever since I can recall. Unfortunately, three-forths of the world cannot grasp such a concept.
But I've come to my understand this is who I am and it's something I can't change. Don't want to. And this is where I run into trouble the most as if I could will myself into a gregarious extrovert, as I could change like the clothes I wear or as if I'm an I'll-fitted pair of shoes needing broken in.
Choices. Something I keep a steady supply of, in my back pocket. They come in handy when the attachee becomes soul-sucking.
I'll exercise my right to be free-in a minute. Not because I don't like you or I don't care but because I choose to not be restricted, confined, bound by others expectations
Anyways...
I deleted my myspace. I had two friends on it. It was two too many. And Tom was one of them, lol. Sorry Tom. I figure the point of myspace is but another way to 1) garner attention, 2) network (i.e. trade favors with strangers) and for dalliances of the personal, uh secret kind..and oh yeah, to amass hordes of people you'll never ever meet. Unless you're a bonifide artist, myspace usefulness caters to attention seekers and ofwhich I will never become.
So I did away with it. Same for a few other sites I belonged to.
I just let it all go.
But I knew her from a forum. We traded emails and im's back and forth, next thing you know, I'm invited to yahoo360, tojoin yet another blog, to create another email acct, ecetera...and all for what? Nah..it is, for me, absolute sensory overload-but for most, probably normal.
I cannot do it. I just cannot. I ignore my home phone when it rings. I might check emails once a couple of weeks. My chat status stays 'invisible' until (I) want to chat. Some things just aren't that necessary.
Comunication technology has gotten out of control. True communique is no longer sacred. We've been reduced to connection transmitted through fiber optics and phone static, cyber chat, and over the internet.
So much is lost in translation and what was once a convenience have become,
for me, an intrusion, at worst, a nuisance, at best. Did you know if you delete someone from your i.m list. they can still chat u up if you're still on their list....sheesh!!
My sistah' gurl sent, through a text message no less, one of those 'god loves u' emails. It violated all of my sensibilities.
I'm reduced to quietude within all this chattiness, turning inward. I guess it might be too much to ask to want to two-step
with someone's intellect, meet mind to mind and heart to heart as intimacy becomes the drumroll, the static, if you will, that trumpets a spiritual connection, one that's truly soul to soul.
Peace
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